Last week, my friend asked me what I do for fun, and I literally satthere with my mouth open like a fish out of water. Fun? I used to have fun, Ithink. Somewhere between packing lunches, managing work deadlines, and makingsure everyone else was okay, "fun" became this mythical thing thatother people did. You know, those mysterious people who somehow have time forhobbies and don't feel guilty about it.

Maybe you know exactly what I'm talking about. Maybe you're the person everyone calls when they need something, and you always say yes. Maybe you're so good at taking care of everyone else that you've completely forgotten how totake care of yourself.

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How I Became the World's Most ReliableEmpty Cup

It started innocently enough. I'd skip my Saturday morning yoga to help my sister move. I'd work through lunch to cover for a colleague. I'd say,"Sure, no problem!" to one more request, one more favor, and one more thing that wasn't really my responsibility but somehow became it anyway.

Before I knew it, I was that person who could organize everyone else's life but couldn't remember the last time I did something just for ME! I became an expert at everyone else's needs while my own became this vague, uncomfortable feeling I kept pushing down.

The kicker? I was proud of it. Look how helpful I am! Look how much I canhandle! Look how indispensable I've made myself!

Until the day I realized I had become a shell of a person, going throughthe motions of a life that didn't feel like mine anymore.

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The Day I Couldn't Answer the FunQuestion

When my friend asked what I do for fun, the silence that followed wasdeafening. Not because I'm boring (at least, I don't think I am), but because Igenuinely couldn't remember the last time I did something purely because itbrought me joy.

I used to play basketball and bocce in my backyard. I used to get excitedabout trying new restaurants or looking forward to weekend adventures with my family.But somewhere along the way, all of that got labeled as "selfish,""unnecessary," or "something I'll do when I have time."

Spoiler alert: That time never came. It never comes. There's alwayssomething more urgent, someone who needs you more, something that feels moreimportant than your own happiness.

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5 Ways I'm Learning to Fill My CupAgain

1. I Started Stealing Five Minutes

I can't always carve out hours for myself, but I can steal five minutes.I put on one song and sing badly in my bathroom as I get ready for the day. Isit with my hazelnut latte and actually taste it instead of chugging it whilechecking emails. I’m learning to step outside and let the sun hit my facewithout immediately thinking about what I need to do next. These tiny momentsare teaching me that I matter, too.

2. I'm Following My Random ObsessionsAgain

Remember how you used to fall down IG reel rabbit holes about theweirdest stuff? I started doing that again. Last weekend, I spent 30 minutes lookingat cute puppy reels. Was it productive? Absolutely not. Did it make me happy?Absolutely yes!!!

3. I'm Practicing the Sacred Art of"Nope"

This one's hard for recovering people-pleasers and “go to” like me. ButI'm learning that every time I say yes to something that drains me, I'm saying no to something that could fill me up. So, I'm getting pickier. I'm saying no to social events that feel like obligations. I’m saying no to professional meetingswith no real outcome or forward motion. I'm saying no to extra projects that aren't mine to carry. It feels weird and scary and... freeing!

4. I Treat Fun Like a Doctor'sAppointment

If I can schedule a dentist appointment six months in advance, I can schedule joy. So now my calendar has "fun blocks” that are times just for me. Sometimes it’s learning a new AI skill or a Canva trick. Sometimes it's just lying on my bed listening to music. The point is, it's protected time that's just for me.

5. I'm Actually Listening to My BodyAgain

My body has been trying to tell me things for years, but I was too busyto listen. Now I check in: Am I hungry for actual food or just stressed? Do I need to move my body or rest it? Am I holding my breath again? My body issurprisingly good at telling me I need to pay attention to it.

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Here's the Plot Twist: Taking Care ofYourself Isn't Selfish

Here's what nobody tells you about constantly putting yourself last: Youstart to disappear not just from your own life, but from everyone else's too.You become this efficient, helpful ghost who gets things done but doesn'treally live and instead has begun to just exist.

The people who love you? They want the real you, not the endlessly accommodating version you've become. They want you to have opinions, interests, and things that light you up. They want you to be a whole person, not justsomeone who exists to make their lives easier.

Taking care of yourself isn't selfish; it's how you stay human. It's how you have something real to offer instead of just running on fumes and resentment.

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Your Permission Slip

I wish someone had told me earlier that I didn't need permission to matter in my own life. But just in case you need to hear it: You are allowed to choose yourself, to have needs, and to do things just because they make you happy!!!

Start small. Start today. Start with five minutes of something that feels like you.

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Let's Choose Ourselves Together

What's one thing you used to love doing that you've let go of? It could be something silly like building blanket forts or something creative like writing poetry. Maybe it's something active like dancing or something quiet like gardening.

Whatever it is, I challenge you to do it this week, even for just a fewminutes. Then come back and tell me about it, because I believe there areothers reading this who need to remember they're not alone in feeling like they've lost themselves.

Your joy matters, your rest matters. You matter. Not just as someone who cares for everyone else, but as a person who deserves care too, especially from yourself.

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Let's stop waiting for permission to live our own lives!

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